In their book on grief recovery, John James and Frank Cherry trace the story of a boy named Johnny. “When five-year-old Johnny’s dog dies, Johnny is stunned, and he bursts out crying. His dog was his constant companion; it slept at the foot of his bed. Now the dog is gone, and little Johnny is a basket case.
Johnny’s dad stammers and says, ‘Uh, don’t feel bad, Johnny, we’ll get you a new dog Saturday.’ In that one sentence, Johnny’s dad is really offering the first two steps in society’s grief management program: Bury your feelings; replace your losses. Once you have the new dog, you won’t even think about the old dog anymore.
Later, when Johnny falls in love with a high school freshman girl, the world never looks brighter – until she dumps him. Suddenly, a curtain covers the sun. Johnny’s heart is broken, and this time, it’s a big time hurt. It’s not just a dog. This is a person his heart was fixed on.
John’s a wreck. But Mom comes to the rescue this time and says with great sensitivity, ‘Don’t feel bad, John, there are other fish in the sea.’ Bury the pain, replace the loss. Johnny has steps one and two down pat now. He’ll use them for the rest of his life.
Much later, John’s grandfather dies–the one he fished with every summer and felt close to. A note was slipped to him in math class. He read the note and couldn’t fight off the tears. He broke down sobbing on his desk. The teacher felt uncomfortable and sent him to the school office to grieve alone.
When John’s father brought him home from school, John saw his mother weeping in the living room, and he wanted to embrace her and cry with her. But his dad said, ‘Don’t disturb her, John, she needs to be alone. She’ll be all right in a little while. Then the two of you can talk.’
The third piece in the grieving puzzle now makes sense to John: Grieve alone. So he went to his room to cry alone and felt a deep loneliness. …[i]
In life, we will deal with all kinds of challenges. We struggle with time pressures, deadlines, and disappointments, as things often don’t happen as quickly or the way we want them to. God’s timetable seems so different than our own. We are limited, affected by time, dealing with painful, uncontrollable circumstances and deep disappointments—shattered dreams, loss of loved ones, and aging with all the losses that brings. Confusion can bring grief and anxiety. Jesus concludes his upper room discourse by speaking of his imminent departure and, in an obscure way, speaks to his resurrection appearances before ultimately departing to be with the Father. This language is not only confusing but distressing to the disciples. In the closing verses of John 16, we find the means of experiencing spiritual transformation in the hours of sorrow, suffering, loss, confusion, and pain. God wants to transform our grief into joy. God desires to transform us from spiritual immaturity into spiritual and emotional maturity. How does this happen? What promises and principles must we apply in our lives for this to happen? Here in John 16:16-33, we find a number of elements that will turn our sorrow into joy.
THE FIRST ELEMENT WE NEED TO APPLY IN OUR LIVES IN TRANSFORMING OUR SORROW INTO JOY IS OUR PERSPECTIVE.
Often, God uses the most painful things as vehicles to transport us from grief to joy. Hard things generally bring confusion and questions to our minds. Why did God allow this to happen? How can any good come from this? Why is God allowing pain in my life? While we are trapped in an earthly time frame and are in a certain season of life? God is working from an eternal canvas, painting our story to fit an eternal narrative in which we are part of but not the central character. The central character in all our stories is ‘Christ in us,’ and what He is doing within us and ultimately through our lives as a witness to the world He places us in.
A. The state of the disciples’ confusion.
Jesus said, “In a little while, you will see me no more, and then after a little while, you will see me.” At this, some of his disciples said to one another, “What does he mean by saying, ‘In a little while you will see me no more, and then after a little while you will see me,’ and ‘Because I am going to the Father?” They asked, “What does he mean by ‘a little while’? We don’t understand what he is saying.” Jesus saw that they wanted to ask him about this, so he asked them, “Are you asking one another what I meant when I said, ‘In a little while you will see me no more, and then after a little while you will see me’?[ii]
Gerald Borchert explains the challenges we have as human beings with time.
Time is a difficult factor for humans to integrate fully into their understanding of the perspectives of God. It was no different with the disciples. Jesus was somehow able to stand above time as he did when he told the Jews, “Before Abraham was I am” (8:58). That statement for mere humans was not only illogical but bordered on being for the Jews both sacrilegious and crazy. In this section, the discussion is not quite so radical. Still, it created for the disciples a sense of complete bewilderment that necessitated an extended explanation from Jesus that reaches beyond this current segment.[iii]
Because we are creatures of time, we see things in a different frame than God does. He is working toward a masterpiece that stretches across all eternity, of which our lives are a part. We know that we have only so much time, and are constantly reminded of its tyranny in our lives. There are demands to be met, so we are in a hurry. We know that time is valuable, and we only have a limited amount, so we must spend it wisely. God seems more concerned about developing us over time. While we operate in a microwave mentality, God appears to be fashioning us in a crock-pot approach, slow and steady. Then suddenly, crisis strikes. Are we ready to meet the challenge? What is within us can now be seen for where we are truly at in our spiritual development.
B. Jesus is explaining the upcoming events that are about to occur and the disciples’ emotional state of being as they journey through these events.
How do we handle life’s greatest tests? How do we respond in moments of great pain, struggle, confusion, or frustration? Will we trust that God has a plan? Will we have confidence that God will bring us through?
There is some debate about the exact meaning of the term ‘in a little while you will see me no more, and then after a little while you will see me.’ In looking at the narrative in hindsight, the reader is aware that Jesus is approaching his crucifixion, in other words, his death, and then, afterwards, the resurrection and the appearances of Jesus to his disciples, which brought such joy. This is the most probable meaning of the text. While the disciples will be grieving the death of Jesus, the world will rejoice that they have, in their minds, rid themselves of Jesus who was causing them such consternation.
Very truly, I tell you, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy.[iv]
The irony is that this is but the beginning of an even greater transformation in the nation’s life, as the resurrection and then the outpouring of the Holy Spirit empowers the lives of the disciples of Jesus with their life-changing message of the gospel. This will challenge the nation and the nations of the world as to their way of life in a manner like never before. The birth and growth of the church will transform society despite their resistance. God’s kingdom has come and will continue to come.
THE SECOND ELEMENT IN TRANSFORMING GRIEF INTO JOY IS TO EMBRACE GOD’S PLAN FOR OUR LIVES.
Again, can we trust God in an hour of perplexity, confusion, and pain? Can we trust God when nothing makes sense to us? Can we trust God when we are numbed by pain? Jesus is making a promise to the disciples framed in an amazing principle.
A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born, she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. So it is with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again, and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy.[v]
While reading Warren Wiersbe’s comments on this text, it captured me as I reflected on how often we deal with tragedy and difficulty, much like the rest of society.
The principle is simply this: God brings joy to our lives, not by substitution, but by transformation. His illustration of the woman giving birth makes this clear. The same baby that caused the pain also caused the joy. In birth, God does not substitute something else to relieve the mother’s pain. Instead, He uses what is there already but transforms it.[vi]
Wiersbe goes on to illustrate this idea of defaulting to substitution rather than experiencing pain and coming to a place of transformation.
Every parent knows what it is like to have an unhappy child because a toy is broken or a playmate has gone home. The parent can do one of two things: substitute something else for the broken toy or absent friend or transform the situation into a new experience for the unhappy child. If Mother always gets a new toy for the child each time a toy is broken, that child will grow up expecting every problem to be solved by substitution. If Mother always phones another playmate and invites them over, the child will grow up expecting people to come to his rescue whenever there is a crisis. The result, either way, is that a spoiled child will not be able to cope with reality.
The way of substitution for solving problems is the way of immaturity. The way of transformation is the way of faith and maturity. We cannot mature emotionally or spiritually if somebody always replaces our broken toys.
Jesus did not say that the mother’s sorrow (pain) was replaced by joy but that the sorrow was transformed into joy. The same baby that caused the pain also caused the joy! And so it is in the Christian life: God takes seemingly impossible situations, adds the miracle of His grace, and transforms trial into triumph and sorrow into joy.[vii]
One of the most beautiful biblical illustrations of this principle is found in the story of Joseph from the book of Genesis. Joseph is sold into slavery by his jealous and angry brothers, then falsely accused and imprisoned. Disappointment, heartache, pain, and loss of family, dignity, and confusion filled his mind. There was no substitution in Joseph’s years of suffering, struggle, and sorrow. However, this brought about transformation and maturity in Joseph’s life. From the spoiled favourite of his father to the dreams that God gave him, which he allowed an insensitivity towards others, now years later, while serving the prison warden, he is in a place that will bring him from prison to the office of prime minister of the nation. We know there is a change in him, as his brothers approach him years later to be forgiven for their wrongs to him. Joseph’s response was to weep and then this amazing reassurance.
But Joseph said to them, ‘Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done: the saving of many lives.[viii]
When we try to avenge the wrongs in our lives, we are putting ourselves in the place of God. When we entrust our sorrows to God, he transforms tragedy and loss into victory. Joseph forgave his brothers. He saw God’s hand in his losses and sorrows. He saw how God had transformed them.
THE THIRD ELEMENT IN TRANSFORMING OUR SORROWS INTO JOY IS ACTING ON GOD’S PROVISION.
Jesus is about to permanently go to the Father, but a wonderful provision is now given not only to those early followers of Jesus but all followers throughout all ages. The provision that Jesus is speaking about is prayer. We have direct access to our Father and can ask for whatever we want because of our relationship with Jesus.
On that day, you will no longer ask me anything. Very truly I tell you, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. Until now, you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask, and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.[ix]
We now see that prayer is a key instrument in attaining joy. Why? Jesus states that it comes in having received what we have asked for. Yet, Jesus lays a condition upon that what we ask. We must ‘ask for anything in Jesus’ name.’ This is not a magical formula; having stated those words, we now have what we ask. Instead it is far more pregnant with meaning. We are coming to the Father and being received because of our love for Jesus.
Though I have been speaking figuratively, a time is coming when I will no longer use this kind of language but will tell you plainly about my Father. On that day, you will ask in my name. I am not saying that I will ask the Father on your behalf. No, the Father himself loves you because you have loved me and have believed that I came from God. I came from the Father and entered the world; now I am leaving the world and going back to the Father.[x]
The Father’s response is based upon our love for Jesus. Again, what does it mean to love Jesus? Those we love we want to spend time with. Those we love, we desire to please them and to seek their benefit.
Colin Kruse explains how praying brings fulness or mature joy.
To pray in Jesus’ name means to pray for things ‘for his sake’ or in line with his purposes. So in this verse, Jesus is saying that after his resurrection, the disciples will begin approaching the Father directly in their prayers, and whatever they ask the Father, which is in line with Jesus’ purposes for humankind and the glory of God, will be given to them.[xi]
When we pray according to God’s will and for His glory, we can be assured that God will answer.
THE FINAL ELEMENT IN TRANSFORMING OUR SORROWS INTO JOY IS GOD’S PRESENCE IN OUR LIVES.
What is amazing is our inability to truly assess our spiritual condition. What we think about ourselves, our commitment, and what we understand about our relationship to our faith in Christ can only be exposed to us in times of testing. After Jesus’ explanation, the disciples quickly stated that they understood. Did they?
Then Jesus’ disciples said, “Now you are speaking clearly and without figures of speech. Now we can see that you know all things and that you do not even need to have anyone ask you questions. This makes us believe that you came from God.[xii]
The disciples did believe that Jesus came from the Father, but the implications and willingness at this point to serve God under the most trying moments of their lives will be tested.
Gerald Borchert points out the gulf between what we say we believe and how we can so often be inconsistent in how we live it out.
The disciples had arrived at the point of a “belief” that they could express. But typical human words and adequate believing may be far apart in real life. People may say they believe in Jesus, but that does not mean they have arrived at the point where their life patterns follow their beliefs. Jesus was not confused by statements of belief or about stages of believing.[xiii]
Jesus now points this out.
“Do you now believe?” Jesus replied. A time is coming and, in fact, has come when you will be scattered, each to your own home. You will leave me all alone. Yet I am not alone, for my Father is with me.[xiv]
Jesus knows much better the actual state of our souls and the upcoming tests we will all struggle with, even as these first followers did.
The reality bomb then was dropped by Jesus in the great reversal statement of this section. Their hour (hōra, the NIV has the less adequate “time”) would soon be coming, and it would bring a dramatic shift. The Anxiety Circle began with the disciples’ concern about Jesus’ departure (14:1) and their obvious feelings of abandonment (14:18). But while the disciples’ fears were real, Jesus made it clear that in the forthcoming scattering of the disciples, they would “abandon” Jesus (“leave me all alone,” kame mono aphete), not the reverse. The glue is not the disciples; it is Jesus who will not abandon the disciples or let them become orphans (14:18) even though they would leave Jesus when the pressures come to them (16:32).
Persecution and societal pressure do strange things to people. Both Jesus and John understood this reality. John had witnessed the abandonment of Jesus by the disciples, and the Christians of the late first century were faced with similar pressures to abandon their relationship with Jesus (cf. 1 John 2:19).[xv]
Nothing has changed. We are still faced with both persecution and societal pressures today. How will we respond? We are faced with disappointments, losses, and perplexities. Will we stick with Jesus, even though we may be misunderstood? Even though Jesus understood that they would all fail and flee, his father would be with him to the very end. Apart from that moment where Jesus became sin, the Father was with him. In all our losses, sorrows, and disappointments, we need to understand that God will never leave us nor forsake us. He is there with us through every storm, surprise, and struggle.
Jesus then concluded the upper room discourse with an insight regarding what we can expect in this world and what it means to find refuge in him.
“I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”[xvi]
We can anticipate that life will be challenging and trouble will come our way. However, even in the challenges and pressures before us, we must take heart because Jesus has overcome the world. He can strengthen us.
We could summarize it this way: in the world, there is trouble. In Christ, there is peace. God knows that our troubles, sorrows, and losses can be transformed not by temporal substitutes but by His amazing presence, which transforms our hearts and gives us a peace that passes human understanding and a joy that strengthens our hearts.
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[i] Bill Hybels, “A Better Kind of Grieving,” Preaching Today, Tape No. 108, as quoted from the Grief Recovery Handbook, 1989.
[ii] John 16:16-19.
[iii] Gerald Borchert, John 1–11 Vol. 25B, (Nashville, TN: Broadman & Holman Publishers, 1996), 172.
[iv] John 16:20.
[v] John 16:21-22.
[vi] Warren Wiersbe, The Bible Expository Commentary, Volume 1, (Wheaton, IL: Victor Books, 1996), 363.
[vii] Ibid, 363-64.
[viii] Genesis 50:19-20.
[ix] John 16:23-24.
[x] John 16:25-28.
[xi] Colin Kruse, John: An Introduction and a Commentary, Vol. 4, (InterVarsity Press, 2003), 330.
[xii] John 16:29-30.
[xiii] Gerald Borchert, John 1–11 Vol. 25B, 180.
[xiv] John 16:31-32.
[xv] Gerald Borchert, John 1–11 Vol. 25B, 180-81.
[xvi] John 16:33.
