In William Shakespeare’s great tragedy, Othello, one of the soldiers under his command, a man by the name of Iago, motivated by a wounded sense of injustice, jealous of his commander, plots to destroy Othello. He creates a misrepresentation so that it appears that Othello’s wife, Desdemona, is having an affair with another man under Othello’s command. While framing this innocent wife of Othello, Iago manages to convince Othello of his loyalty. The story ends with Othello thinking that his wife has been disloyal to him. He kills her, only to discover the truth and, in his grief, takes his own life.
What makes the works of William Shakespeare such great literature? It speaks of the transcendent nature of human relationships. All the struggles, the joys, and the tragedy of life are addressed, which is the human condition. This is why the Bible is so relevant. Even more importantly, the Bible reveals something we would never know apart from its revelation: the very nature of God and His love towards us. While Shakespeare often leaves us looking at the pain and tragedy of life, the Bible moves us to the hope found in God. Ernest Marshall Howse, in his book Spiritual Values in Shakespeare, writes:
In his last will and testament Shakespeare wrote: ‘I commend my soul into the hands of God my Creator, hoping and assuredly believing, through the only merits of Jesus Christ my Saviour to be made partaker of life everlasting.’[i]
So, what is the underlying reason for the great tragedies of life? What causes unrest, bad feelings, and hostile and destructive relationships? What is at the root of these things? In James 3, we find the root of why relationships deteriorate. Jealousy and envy lead to the desire to destroy another. That is why Jesus was crucified by the religious leaders. They were jealous and envious of Him.
For he [Pilate] knew that it was out of envy that they [religious leaders] had delivered him [Jesus] up.[ii]
Right from the very beginning we have the issue of jealousy and envy bringing about the destruction of a relationship, even of life itself. Cain was envious of his brother Abel, and he killed him.
So, the condition of the human heart is critical in having healthy human relationships. As we look at the landscape of our community, with so many relationships in jeopardy, what does that say of the condition of our hearts? But what is even more important is what can be done about it. How can our self-centered and sinful nature be subdued? It takes power greater than us to bring about change within us. It is only as we yield to God’s Spirit in our hearts that we can have healthy relationships. One of the results of a Spirit-controlled life is that we live a life of submission first to God. It is only then that His purposes for our lives can be known and lived out. It is out of this submission to God that we learn to value others and can learn to submit to others. Submission then is a key ingredient in healthy relationships.
What does the bible mean when it speaks about submission? Often, we confuse submission with subjugation. Submission speaks of yielding to another. Submission can either be forced or willingly given. People who are forced to submit or who are being subjugated live in resentment, bitterness, and anger. There has been far too much exploitation and humiliation of people in our world. The result is nothing but resentment and rebellion. The biblical idea is willful submission. It is something we willingly give to another. I love the distinction that Warren Wiersbe makes between submission and subjugation.
Subjugation turns a person into a thing, destroys individuality, and removes all liberty. Submission makes a person become more of what God wants them to be; it brings out individuality; it gives them the freedom to accomplish all that God has for their life and ministry. Subjugation is weakness; it is the refuge of those who are afraid of maturity. Submission is strength; it is the first step toward true maturity and ministry.[iii]
It seems that one of the great challenges in our present culture is the struggles in our most meaningful and intimate relationships. Families today are disintegrating all around us. Why? One of the primary reasons is that we are not living a life controlled by God, the Holy Spirit.
James gives us insight into the real source of where relational conflict comes from. It is always a battle within our own hearts and minds. It is a battle of the will. Who will get their way? What makes James so compelling is that he doesn’t just give us insight into the problem, he shows us how we can address the issue to bring about relational harmony. For that to happen we must first gain an understanding as to the nature of the problem.
THE FIRST STEP IN RELATIONAL HARMONY IS UNDERSTANDING THE NATURE OF THE PROBLEM
We are always very quick to point the finger that the cause is outside of ourselves. However, James raises the issue that we should begin by looking within.
A. The first issue is dealing with our own sinful nature.
We are often blinded by our own sinfulness to see the real issue. “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from our desires that battle within you (James 4:1)”?
The terms ‘fight’ and ‘quarrels’ are usually used to speak of physical conflict between individuals and nations, but here James uses them to speak of that verbal abuse that happens between people. James had just spoken of the power of the tongue to do incredible damage in the preceding chapter. He shows how deadly our mouths are and then talks about the ability to control our mouths which cannot be done apart from God. “…but no man can tame the tongue. It
is a restless evil, full of deadly poison (James 3:8).
B. Having stated that conflict originates in our sinful nature, James quickly shows how this goes from an intention to an action.
You desire but you do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God.[iv]
This is the underlying motivation for many domestic murders. We kill and destroy what we cannot possess. We see this in some relationships that go sour. The one person can’t let go of the other. It’s not a healthy love, but a possessive love. In the extreme cases you discover that people who kill their ex-spouse or girlfriend do so because they refuse to let go. This unhealthy possessive love is destructive. If they can’t have, they destroy. In other words, frustrated desire leads to violence. This is the worst-case scenario.
James talks about bringing our desires to God in prayer. Though most do cry out to God, the problem is that the asking is from a wrong motive. We can ask God to satisfy our sinful nature, which obviously He will not do.
When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.[v]
Jesus had promised, ‘Ask, and it will be given you in Matthew 7:7. But clearly Jesus had in mind that asking which has as its focus and motive in God’s name, God’s kingdom and God’s will (Matthew 6:9-10)- not an asking that had the purpose of the indulgence of those pleasures that are at war with our souls.[vi]
It is God’s love and grace that withholds those answers to prayer. However, there have been moments in biblical history that God gave people what they wanted but they suffered the consequences of that answer to prayer.
But they soon forgot what he had done and did not wait for his plan to unfold. In the desert they gave in to their craving; in the wilderness they put God to the test. So he gave them what they asked for, but sent a wasting disease upon them.[vii]
Often, we think we know what we want, but once we get it, we discover that it doesn’t really satisfy. God knows what is best for us. Be careful what you ask for. Most people do not physically kill others but often destroy them through the things said to and about them. Often, we simply just kill with our words.
C. It’s out of jealousy and envy that we have a judgmental, critical attitude towards others.
Don’t criticize one another, brothers. He who criticizes a brother or judges his brother criticizes the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge. There is one lawgiver and judge who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?[viii]
What is this text saying? When we are criticizing others, we are in reality placing ourselves in the place of God. We must realize that none of us can adequately know how to evaluate the totality of what is transpiring. We don’t know the heart motive and attitudes of others. We don’t know the whole story of people’s actions.
Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted.[ix]
We must also be aware that often the very things that grieve us are things that we battle within ourselves.
Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.[x]
The core issue of critical and judgmental spirit is the root of jealousy and envy in our own hearts. Moses had an incredibly painful experience in his life as a leader of his people. His own sister and brother were critical of him.
Miriam and Aaron began to talk against Moses because of his Cushite wife, for he had married a Cushite. Has the LORD spoken only through Moses? They asked. ‘Hasn’t he also spoken through us?’ And the LORD heard this. (Now Moses was a very humble man, more humble than anyone else on the face of the earth.) At once the LORD said to Moses, Aaron and Miriam, ‘Come out to the tent of Meeting, all three of you.’ So the three of them went out. When the cloud lifted from above the Tent, there stood Miriam-leprous, like snow.[xi]
They were complaining about Moses’ wife, but the real issue was that they felt that they were just as important as Moses. They felt Moses wasn’t qualified or had disqualified himself because of his marriage. How often do people complain about something, but that’s not the real issue? They were jealous of Moses. They envied his position and relationship with God. They wanted his authority.
Notice what they were saying in verse two. That they heard from God just as good as Moses had and God was using them as well. In other words, who does Moses think he is? But that was not the issue. God had selected Moses for this assignment right from his birth. God had prepared him for this task.
Notice how Miriam’s sin not only impacted her life. She contracted leprosy but also impacted the lives of the entire nation. They couldn’t move forward as they awaited her healing. Moses prayed and God healed her, but the people had to remain where they were for a week while she fulfilled her time of separation from them.
D. How do we overcome our sinful nature?
It starts by submitting to God. How do we do that? As believers, God has placed within our lives His Divine nature, so we must submit to the work of His Spirit living within us. The apostle Paul spoke of this very thing to the churches in Galatia.
You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another, humbly in love. For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. [the Greek word here is agapao, the same kind of love that God shows us; unconditional love.] If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other. So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want.[xii]
E. Not only are we battling with our sinful nature, but also the pressures of our culture that is in rebellion against God.
The bible calls this worldliness. James describes it as infidelity, which mean we are being unfaithful to God.
You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.[xiii]
The world here is neither the physical universe per se, who are made in God’s image and whom God loves, but the ethos of life in opposition to, or disregard of, God and his kingdom. Thus, the problem for God’s people is neither delight in the physical nor love for humanity in its fallenness, but an attitude toward either the physical or the social world that puts it in the place of God. …[they] submit to the worlds ethics and values instead of God’s, desires the things of the world instead of God, and exalts the creature over the creator.[xiv]
Worldliness is simply putting this earthly life with its pleasures and values ahead or in place of God. This does not mean that we are not to have friendships with people who are not believers. We see that Jesus befriended sinners or unbelievers. There is no other way to demonstrate God’s love to them apart from having a relationship with them, but James is describing that we are not to embrace their values.
John describes it this way in his letter.
Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of his eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever.[xv]
Erwin Lutzer in his book How in the world can I be Holy, defines worldliness as “excluding God from our lives and therefore, consciously or unconsciously, accepting the values of the man-centered society… It is living with warped values. At its worse, it is assigning value to what God totally condemns. At its best, it is rearranging the price tags to suit our fancy. It is rejecting God’s priorities for our own.”
What is God’s answer to worldliness? It is the grace to submit to the work of the Holy Spirit within us.
Or do you think Scripture says without reason that he jealously longs for the spirit he has caused to dwell in us? But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: ‘God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.’ Submit yourselves, then, to God.[xvi]
Verse five is a very difficult text to translate. You will notice in many bibles the footnotes make different suggestions as to what could be written there in English. One of the best expressions of this text is found in the Revised Standard Version, which states:
Or do you suppose it is in vain that the Scripture says, He yearns jealously over the Spirit which he has made to dwell in us?[xvii]
Though the sinful nature, literally the word is flesh, may desire things that are seen, God’s love yearns for our loyalty and gives us the grace to overcome the desires which are destructive to us. This submission to God not only destroys the work of the flesh and the power of our culture, but also our chief adversary the devil. “Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you (James 4:7).”
THE SECOND STEP IN RELATIONAL HARMONY IS UNDERSTANDING THE NATURE OF THE SOLUTION
It’s one thing to understand the problem. It’s totally another thing to have the right answer or solution to the problem. Wrong approaches to problems can even make things worse. We have been repeating it through the message.
A. It begins with submission to God.
When we submit to Him, we overcome the world, the sinful nature and the devil. To submit simply means to get in step with God. It’s a military term that means to get into proper rank. When we are out of step with God, we are out of sorts with ourselves, and out of harmony with others. What is needed is absolute submission to God.
Unconditional surrender is the only way to have complete victory in our lives. If there is any area of life kept back from God, there will always be battles. This explains why uncommitted Christians cannot live with themselves or with other people.[xviii]
However, failure is a part of growing. What do we do when we have failed? What do we do when we have sinned? What do we do to be restored into a proper relationship with God and others?
B. Repentance is in order.
Rather than run from God, we must run to God.
Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.[xix]
John tells us how to get back on track with God.
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.[xx]
One of our struggles is that we are living in the tension between wanting to do the right thing and wanting to do the wrong thing. We are like the Israelites on Mount Carmel. Elijah was trying to address their double-minded approach to life. They wanted what both worlds were offering.
Elijah went before the people and said, ‘How long will you waver between two opinions? If the LORD is God, follow him, but if Baal is God, follow him.[xxi]
Jesus addressed the same issue of being double minded in the Sermon on the Mount.
No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and mammon.[xxii]
James early in the book shares what happens when we are double-minded. We want all that God has to offer, but we also want what this world is promising to give to us. We then become unstable. “…he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does (James 1:8).”
No wonder the psalmist prayed this prayer:
Teach me your way, LORD, that I may rely on your faithfulness; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name.[xxiii]
How many are struggling in a relationship? It all comes down to submission. First to God and then to others. To have confidence that God is in control. It is a battle of will; my will or God’s will. What I want versus what God wants. God is calling for our surrender, our willing submission to Him and His will. The result is healthier relationships!
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[i] Ernest Marshall Howse, in his book, ‘Spiritual Values in Shakespeare, (New York, Abingdon Press, 1955), 11.
[ii] Matthew 27:18, The New International Version of the Bible, Zondervan, 2011.
[iii] Warren Wiersbe, Leadership, submitted by Kevin A. Miller, vice president, Christianity Today International.
[iv] James 4:2.
[v] James 4:3.
[vi] Douglas J. Moo, James, Tyndale New Testament Commentaries, (Grand Rapids, Mi: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 1985), 142.
[vii] Psalm 106:13-15.
[viii] James 4:11-12 (Holman Standard Bible).
[ix] Galatians 6:1.
[x] Matthew 7:1-5.
[xi] Numbers 12:1-4, 10.
[xii] Galatians 5:13-17.
[xiii] James 4:4.
[xiv] Dan McCartney, James, Baker Exegetical Commentary on the New Testament, (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Academic, 2009), 209.
[xv] 1 John 2:15-17.
[xvi] James 4:5-7a.
[xvii] James 4:5 Revised Standard Version.
[xviii] Warren Wiersbe, Be Mature, (Wheaton, Il: Victor Books, 1985), 125.
[xix] James 4:8-10.
[xx] 1 John 1:9.
[xxi] 1 Kings 18:21.
[xxii] Matthew 6:24.
[xxiii] Psalm 86:11
