The book What My Parents Did Right is the testimony of 50 known leaders from an earlier generation who explained the impact that their parents had upon their lives. Dr. Robert Webber, who wrote extensively on worship, shared the impact his father had upon his life. He relates one such incident that shaped his life.
While attending Bob Jones University, he developed a bad attitude about the rules of the school and dropped out. Arriving home, his father listened, was supportive, and when they tried to seek another avenue for further education, all the doors were closed. His father then sat down with Robert and stated that he ought to consider returning to Bob Jones University.
‘Son, you need to learn that life is not easy and that, whatever you do in life, you will be working with people who don’t agree with you. Go back to Bob Jones and learn how to function in a context that is difficult for you.’
I was thinking about what he said and how much sense it made when he added, ‘Besides, you quit. You ran away from a situation that was difficult. If you run away completely, you will set a pattern that will be hard to break. You may end up being a quitter all your life.’
I knew he was right and that returning to Bob Jones was exactly what I should do. I felt almost instant peace about my decision. Returning wasn’t easy, but it was right. In the next six months, God began to work in my heart in many ways, one of which was to lay total claim on my life for ministry.
Since then, in the nearly four decades of training and work in ministry, there have been many difficult times—times when I have wanted to throw in the towel and give up. Every time, though, the words of my father have come back to me, and in my heart and with my lips I reaffirm, ‘You are not a quitter.’
Life is difficult, but it is also an adventure—and an exciting one at that. I’m persuaded in my own life that God’s calling demands steady, unmoved perseverance. This lesson—a lesson that lies at the heart of Christian discipleship—is one that I learned from a father whose wisdom in dealing with a rebellious son opened my heart to hear the call of God, ‘Come, follow me.’[i]
One of the great challenges in this present generation is that we do not want to be corrected. However, positive correction can be the source of amazing encouragement, growth, and a future resource to help us face greater challenges which are often ahead of us in our lives. So, how do we handle correction in our lives, and how and why should we correct those whom God entrusts into our lives? What we will discover is the possibility for some incredible outcomes.
THE FIRST THING THAT CAN HAPPEN IN CORRECTING PEOPLE IN A LOVING MANNER IS THE ENCOURAGEMENT THAT OFTEN OCCURS
This can occur in both parties, if what is being communicated is life-giving and God honoring. We are not talking about manipulating or nagging people. God will use people to instruct, correct, and encourage us. When we are experiencing harassment, conflicts from others, and fears within our own souls, God can bring a word of encourage through someone. What should our attitude be in both giving and receiving godly correction?
- Make room in our hearts to receive those whom God places among us as leaders.
Here Paul once again appeals to the Corinthians to open their hearts to him and his message. Though he had corrected them, it was for their own good. Our response to correction can spare us much heartache for both us and those who love us.
Make room for us in your hearts. We have wronged no one, we have corrupted no one, we have exploited no one.[ii]
The background is that someone at Corinth had done wrong to Paul, causing him pain (2:4–5). Now Paul introduces the topic by denying that the fault was on his side. He had not ‘led anyone astray’ (lit., ‘ruined’) by taking their money (a charge in 12:16–18), nor was he ‘taking advantage of anyone,’ as Satan would do of the Corinthians (2:11).[iii]
Paul explains his own motivation for the reason for the correction. He deeply loved and was concerned about their welfare.
I do not say this to condemn you; I have said before that you have such a place in our hearts that we would live or die with you. I have spoken to you with great frankness; I take great pride in you. I am greatly encouraged; in all our troubles my joy knows no bounds.[iv]
In retrospect, he is aware that what he wrote could easily have sounded as if he was blaming and passing judgment on them. So he is concerned that they not misunderstand his intentions. Indeed, there can be no room for condemnation because of the secure place that the Corinthians have in his affections.[v]
What we need to understand is that correction is not condemnation. What’s the difference you might ask? It’s about motivation. Correction aims to restore and guide someone back to the right path and foster growth in that person’s life. Condemnation is often reflected in the tone of self-righteous anger and contempt for the person they are communicating with, and the result is that it leaves that person feeling shame, rejection, and isolation. Correction addresses the behavior, while condemnation attacks the character of that person.
Paul, in writing back to the Corinthians after sending a corrective letter, was deeply concerned about their response. Would they receive the correction in the spirit in which it was sent through his representative, Titus? In his book, Paul: Apostle of the Heart Set Free, F. F. Bruce, explains the situation that Paul found himself in.
When Paul sent off this letter—1 Corinthians—he expected to follow it up with a personal visit. He planned to stay on at Ephesus for a few more weeks at least—until Pentecost (probably A. D. 55). Meanwhile he sent Timothy ahead of him, and asked the Corinthians to make him feel at home among them. After Pentecost he himself would cross the Aegean to Macedonia, visit his churches there, and then make his way south to Corinth. …A number of factors made it impossible for this modified plan to be carried out. One of these was news of further trouble in the church of Corinth, which compelled Paul to pay it an urgent visit. The letter recently received by the church had evidently not been so effective as Paul had hoped in checking those tendencies of which he expressed disapproval, and when Timothy arrived he was quite unable to enforce Paul’s directions. …The opposition to Paul came to a head, and one member of the church in particular took the lead in defying his authority. The others took no effective action in Paul’s defence, and Paul, deeply humiliated, left Corinth.
But he could not leave the Corinthian situation as it was: he composed a stinging letter to the church— ‘out of much affliction and anguish of heart and with many tears’ (2 Corinthians 2:3f.)—and sent it to Corinth by the hand of Titus, a stronger personality, probably, than Timothy. We may call this letter ‘Corinthians C’; it is doubtful if any part of it survives. When Titus set off with it, Paul immediately began to be sorry that he had sent it. Its severe tone might produce the desired effect, but it might on the other hand exacerbate the situation. In it he assured the Corinthians of his love for them, but demanded that they give evidence of the love they professed for him by acknowledging his apostolic authority and taking disciplinary measures against the man who had defied it.[vi]
While Paul was addressing the Corinthian situation, he was facing other pressures and challenges in Macedonia.
For when we came into Macedonia, we had no rest, but we were harassed at every turn—conflicts on the outside, fears within. But God, who comforts the downcast, comforted us by the coming of Titus,[vii]
Paul now openly shares his great sorrow, and fears that he experienced in correcting the church at Corinth and how overjoyed he was with their amazing response. One of the great difficulties that Paul faced in his life and ministry was the concern he carried in his heart for the people he shared the gospel with and for their spiritual establishment in the faith. In Paul’s list of the things which he suffered this was the most intense part of it. His list found later in this letter included beatings, shipwrecks, financial pressures, to name but a few, but the greatest pressure was the concern he carried in his heart for the people who responded to the gospel and the churches that were established as a result. He was continuously praying for them and was concerned about their spiritual growth. He carried this weight upon his soul.
Besides everything else, I face daily the pressure of my concern for all the churches. Who is weak, and I do not feel weak? Who is led into sin, and I do not inwardly burn?[viii]
What Paul is sharing is the weight of ministry that he carried. He agonized over the lives of those who made commitments to Christ, and who were struggling in their walk with God. Paul, like most Christian leaders, was concerned that believers would persevere in their walk with God.
To give us a small understanding of the challenges that Christian leaders face, particularly pastors, ‘Focus on the Family,’ a ministry founded by James Dobson, a pastor’s child, shared his conviction that the first line of defense for the family is the church, and the healthy families are the key to a nation. This leaves the pastor of the church as the most visible person, carrying the greatest load. In Pastors at Greater Risk, published in 2003, H. B. London and Neil Wiseman shared the incredible challenges facing those who are pastoral leaders. To give you a sense of how challenging it is, a survey conducted with 5,000 pastoral responses in the U.S. revealed some of the pressures. Focus on the Family was stunned by the response of the challenges facing pastoral families.
Over half the pastors’ wives were battling depression. Time, money, and unrealistic demands were the burdens that they were carrying. 40 % of pastors had considering quitting the ministry in the past 3 months, about 90% of churches were in survival mode as most pastor were leading churches with less than 100 people in attendance. Dobson admitted that he was convicted because of his attitude toward pastors, because he had been critical of them for not addressing the great moral and social ills in our society.[ix]
There is great confusion as to what the mandate of the church is. We are called “to make disciples,” not fix the worlds ills.
THE SECOND THING THAT CAN HAPPEN IN CORRECTING PEOPLE IN A LOVING MANNER IS THE TRANSFORMATION IN THAT LIFE
We are encouraged when those we love, respond in a positive manner in regard to what is right and pleasing to God. What we see is a profound change in their lives for the better. Paul was deeply moved when he heard that they had embraced his correction and were diligent in addressing the wrongs.
- We are comforted when we hear that people are concerned about us.
and not only by his coming but also by the comfort you had given him. He told us about your longing for me, your deep sorrow, your ardent concern for me, so that my joy was greater than ever.[x]
What was really at stake here? Linda Belleville explains the challenge that Paul was addressing and how confrontation is the last thing most of us want to do, yet there are moments we must do so for the sake of the individuals involved and the welfare of the church as a whole. This is the most painful and difficult part of my job.
Confrontation is not easy for any of us. We tend to shrink from it or rationalize away its necessity. Paul, however, confronted the Corinthians directly, despite how much he stood to lose. He did it because he valued his relationship with the church more than his own reputation. Most of us would seek redress for a wrong done to us. This is especially the case where our rightful authority has been challenged and our reputation defamed. The stakes were even higher for Paul because it was his apostolic authority that was being attacked and his reputation as Christ’s ambassador that was on the line. Yet his primary concern throughout his relationship was to the congregation. All else is secondary–even the injustice and public humiliation that he had suffered.[xi]
- As believers we are encouraged when people address sin in their lives
True repentance enables us to move forward in our relationships and our faith. When what we desire is good outcomes for others, we are transformed and often people respond in a positive manner.
Even if I caused you sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it. Though I did regret it—I see that my letter hurt you, but only for a little while—yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us. Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done. At every point you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter.[xii]
The difference between remorse and repentance is moving past ourselves. It is more than just feeling bad which is a self-focused behavior, rather the focus moves to the ones we have sinned against, which begins with God and then with the people we have violated, to an action that demonstrates that change. Linda Belleville explains this shift that needs to happen in order for true transformation to happen in our lives.
Constructive sorrow is the kind of sorrow that leads to salvation and leaves no regret (v. 10). Paul might not be thinking of salvation in the theological sense (that is, eternal life). The term sōtēria can also mean ‘self-preservation’ or ‘well-being.’ Sorrow that turns outward to redress the wrong done leads to personal wholeness. Worldly sorrow, on the other hand, brings death. Worldly sorrow is that which turns in on itself and feeds off its ever deepening self-pity. It brings death because it breeds self-destructive resentment and bitterness that eat away at the person (Murphy-O’Connor 1991:71). It is said that a rattlesnake, if cornered, will sometimes become so upset that it will bite itself. That is exactly what the harboring of hate and resentment against others is—a biting of oneself. We think that we are harming others by holding these grudges and hates, but the deeper harm is to ourselves. This is a sorrow that will overwhelm and consume us in the end.[xiii]
She continues to explain this distinction, the difference between being sorry and truly repenting. The kind of sorrow that God intends results in a change of heart: Your sorrow led you to repentance (v. 9). This is the third reason Paul can be happy. The Corinthians did not merely regret what they had done but repented of it (v. 9). Metanoia (repentance) denotes not just a change of mind about something but a reorientation of the whole person (Goetzmann 1975:357–58). Judas felt remorse for what he had done in betraying Jesus to the authorities (metamelētheis, Mt 27:3), but his remorse did not issue in repentance. Repentance, to be sure, involves a recognition that a wrong has been committed. The Corinthians, when confronted with their failure to defend Paul in the face of his detractors, felt sorry for the pain they had caused him. This is remorse. But repentance goes further. It not only recognizes the wrong committed but also seeks to rectify it. This the Corinthians did by admitting their blame and by punishing the offender (2:6; 7:11).[xiv]
Why is it so necessary to focus on this distinctive difference? The reason is simple, if all we are is sorry for the outcomes and consequences to ourselves it leads to further alienation both with God and others. We must come to realize that we need God’s Spirit convicting us and then helping us turn our hearts away from self-pity and excuses and allow real change to happen within us.
- Finally, we are encouraged when those we love care about others.
This is a sign of growth and maturity when we move beyond ourselves to care deeply for others.
So even though I wrote to you, it was neither on account of the one who did the wrong nor on account of the injured party, but rather that before God you could see for yourselves how devoted to us you are. By all this we are encouraged. In addition to our own encouragement, we were especially delighted to see how happy Titus was, because his spirit has been refreshed by all of you. I had boasted to him about you, and you have not embarrassed me. But just as everything we said to you was true, so our boasting about you to Titus has proved to be true as well. And his affection for you is all the greater when he remembers that you were all obedient, receiving him with fear and trembling. I am glad I can have complete confidence in you.[xv]
Here we see that what brought joy and confidence to Paul was simply the response of the Corinthians, not only to the correction in his letter, but the reception that they gave Titus. As a spiritual parent, Paul was overjoyed by how they treated Titus.
So, what are the takeaways from this correction by Paul to the Corinthians? What is it that God wants to produce in our lives? God desires to move us away from what our culture deems of value—living for ourselves. God desires that we connect with Him in deep intimacy and experience the joy of knowing Him and being released from the tyranny of self-centeredness and sin.
Most importantly, Paul’s account of his recent history with the Corinthians highlights the fact that confronting sin and calling God’s people to repentance are the primary instruments of sanctification in the life of a Christian. In our pluralistic, therapeutic, and privatistic culture, this kind of intervention is uncomfortable and increasingly uncommon. Paul’s argument makes clear, however, that such a prophetic stance is an essential aspect of the gospel and that the courage to take such a stance is a fundamental expression of Christian love and leadership. Paul is a mediator of the Spirit, not a salesman. He is a proclaimer of the gospel, not a motivational speaker. God’s Word, not self-help tips, is the tool of his trade.[xvi]
What will compel and motivate us through the challenges of ministry, whether we are ministering to our families, in our workplace, or to the community of faith? The church is designed by God to be the pillar and foundation of the truth (1 Tim. 3:15) that our broken world needs to hear and respond to so that they might experience true freedom. True joy comes when we as Christ followers see God working in the lives that we are investing ourselves into. Their positive response to God’s word has the power to bring about transformation in their lives which in turn brings comforts to our souls. Notice where Paul receives his joy.
The startling degree to which Paul’s joy dominates this section highlights once more the proper motivation for Christian life. Paul is filled with joy because of God’s work in the midst of his own afflictions (vv. 4, 16), because of Titus’s arrival (vv. 5–6), because of the Corinthians’ repentance and reconciliation (vv. 8–13a), and because of Titus’s joy (vv. 7, 13b–15). In relating Paul’s happiness to our cultural context, we must underscore, however, that Paul’s comfort and joy are not merely personal or circumstantial, but deeply theological. Just as the object of true sorrow over sin is God, so too Paul is filled with joy because of what God has been doing through his own circumstances of affliction, through his ministry to the Corinthians, and through Titus’s life and service (cf. 7:4, 6, 7, 13).[xvii]
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[i] Dr. Robert Webber, “What My Parents Did Right”, Ed. Gloria Gaither, (Nashville, Tn: Star Song Publishing Group, 1991), 208-10.
[ii] 2 Corinthians 7:2, The New International Version of the Bible, Zondervan, 2011.
[iii] Ralph Martin, Carl Toney, and William Baker, 1 & 2 Corinthians, Cornerstone Biblical Commentary, Vol. 15, (Tyndale House Publishers, 2009), 328.
[iv] 2 Corinthians 7:3-4.
[v] Linda Belleville, 2 Corinthians, TheIVP New Testament Commentary Series, Vol. 8, (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 1996), 2 Cor. 7:3-7.
[vi] F. F. Bruce, Paul: Apostle of the Heart Set Free, (Grand Rapids, Mi: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 1981), 274.
[vii] 2 Corinthians 7:5-6.
[viii] 2 Corinthians 11:28-29.
[ix] H. B. London & Neil B. Wiseman, Pastors at Greater Risk, (Ventura, Ca: Regal Books, 2003), 20.
[x] 2 Corinthians 7:7.
[xi] Linda Belleville, 2 Corinthians, 2 Cor. 7:3-11.
[xii] 2 Corinthians 7:8-11.
[xiii] Linda Belleville, 2 Corinthians, 2 Cor. 7:3-11.
[xiv] Ibid.
[xv] 2 Corinthians 7:12-16.
[xvi] Scott Hafemann, 2 Corinthians, (Zondervan Publishing House, 2000), 317.
[xvii] Ibid, 320.
