What should be the goal of a godly parent in raising children? It would be that our children would come to know the Lord and wholeheartedly serve Him. One reason is that this is in their best interest. But what happens when they rebel and are seduced and deceived by what this world has to offer? How do we respond to this kind of heartache? Here we find Paul acting as a loving father to this church community that he had established. Yet, they were struggling with an arrogant attitude. While some intruders had invaded the church with their visions and revelations, challenging Paul’s authority and preaching a distortion of the gospel, the Corinthians remained silent rather than defend their spiritual father in the faith.
Paul had to defend himself, whereas, the Corinthians, who owed Paul the debt of bringing the gospel to them at great cost ought to have defended him, but were silent. Kent Hughes relates: “Thus their failure to defend Paul was an inexcusable sin of silence. Rather they, as his letter of commendation, should have been commending and defending him.”[i]
Paul’s deepest concern was that they were being led astray. It is a painful time in a parent’s life when children begin to distance themselves from the values of their spiritual upbringing and begin embracing the worldly values often shared through friends, media, and others who mock the things of God. In 2 Corinthians 12:11-21, Paul is challenging his spiritual children regarding a drift from the faith and falling into worldly and sinful behavior which excludes people from God’s kingdom. What can we learn from Paul’s letter and how he addressed his deepest concerns about their rejection of him and his message? This is often what happens when people rebel. Those who have guided them (parents, friends and mentors) are often rejected. We can take this personally and make the focus about our hurt, or we can understand that there is something more sinister happening here and the focus should be on the person who is being deceived and led astray. They are, in one sense, rejecting God, the ultimate authority but at that moment the rejection is experienced by the person who has been the authority figure in their life.
Let me insert a caveat here; there are those in authority who are irresponsible and abusive. Parents who have violated their God-given trust to nurture and care for their children. What happens then? Perhaps there are children who are having to parent their parents. We need to remind ourselves that there is always a loving Father in heaven, who we can appeal to and have Him meet our needs. Rebellion is not the only response in these situations, nor should they be unless there is abuse and then other authorities need to intervene.
But what we are looking at is rebellion toward a loving mentor, parent, or leader. How should that authority figure respond? In this second half of chapter twelve, we discover the heart and warnings of someone who deeply loved the Corinthian believers who were spiritually immature, haughty, and proud. Can we learn something from Paul’s heart and actions which will help us to respond to our wayward children, other family members, and close friends? In the challenges that Paul faced with this congregation, we glean something of the true nature of Christian leadership and ministry. There are three things Paul does to deal with the challenge of rebellious behavior that is presented to him by the sinful immaturity in the lives of those he is fathering in the faith.
THE FIRST THING THAT WE NEED TO DO IN ADDRESSING REBELLIOUS BEHAVIOR IS TO RAISE THE ISSUE
No matter how difficult it is and uncomfortable we are about addressing problems, ignoring them will not cause them to go away. It takes wisdom and courage to speak when we feel so much is on the line. What causes us to neglect or pretend there is no issue is that we are concerned about alienating those we love and therefore there is a temptation to say little or nothing at all. What generally happens is that the problem escalates and hurts, and there is heartache and a hardening of the heart in the parents’ and mentors’ lives. It will cause a deterioration of the relationship in the long term. This communication, however, is not nagging but prayerful and loving addressing of the issue. This is followed by committing that person to the Lord in prayer and trusting the God’s Spirit will reveal the truth to them.
If we examine Paul’s approach to the problem, he speaks to the issue in a direct and forthright manner, but always in the spirit of love. What we need to understand is that Paul is not defending himself from their attacks.
“I have made a fool of myself, but you drove me to it. I ought to have been commended by you, for I am not in the least inferior to the ‘super-apostles,’ even though I am nothing.”[ii]
When people are in a rebellious mode, they often attack those in authority in their lives. Paul finds himself having to defend himself; not because he is insecure but because he is concerned that those who are his spiritual children are believing and embracing the attacks against him. We are living in a time where rebellion is the norm and all authority is under attack, particularly parental authority.
But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God—having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.[iii]
Paul here is writing as a spiritual father and makes three quick points.
- He addresses the fact that they did not defend him against the false accusations.
Paul then felt compelled to defend himself, not for his sake but for their sake, as they were about to be deceived and led astray. What tragedy that Paul had poured out his life for them, and they are simply indifferent. It is a sign of folly to turn against the love of a parent, or parental figures in our lives and listen to the lies of worldly peers.
Who are the “super apostles” Paul mentions here? A discussion surrounds who they are. Some consider Paul comparing himself with the apostles in Jerusalem, but the context does not seem to support that idea, and we are reminded by his usage of that term in the previous chapter in comparing himself in opposition to the false teaches.
For if someone comes to you and preaches a Jesus other than the Jesus we preached, or if you receive a different spirit from the Spirit you received, or a different gospel from the one you accepted, you put up with it easily enough. I do not think I am in the least inferior to those “super-apostles.” I may indeed be untrained as a speaker, but I do have knowledge. We have made this perfectly clear to you in every way.[iv]
So, Paul is using sarcasm to call these false teachers, or “super apostles.”
- Paul then moves on to address the issue of signs, wonders, and miracles.
“I persevered in demonstrating among you the marks of a true apostle, including signs, wonders and miracles.”[v]
It always amazes me when the obvious is overlooked. Here the false teachers were endeavoring to impress the Corinthians with their visions, revelations, signs and wonders. Yet, Paul had come among them and established the church years earlier. He had been with them for 18 months. In his first letter, he reminded them that he came in the Spirit’s power.
I came to you in weakness with great fear and trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God’s power.[vi]
Miracles were certainly following him to confirm his ministry, and they had been recipients of those miracles. Craig Keener explains: “The Corinthians themselves were witnesses of Paul’s ‘signs and wonders,’ hence did not require his testimony; these should have been concrete enough to have invited their defense of his apostleship (12:11–12).”[vii]
We need to remind ourselves what it cost our parents to raise us, in terms of not only finances, but of time, emotional energy, and self-sacrifice. One of the foundations of a healthy society is expressed in the Mosaic law as honoring those who are our parents. “Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the Lord your God is giving you.”[viii]
- Paul speaks about not receiving financial support from the Corinthians.
“How were you inferior to the other churches, except that I was never a burden to you? Forgive me this wrong!”[ix]
We may wonder why the Corinthians felt snubbed by Paul because he would not participate in their patronage system. In the ancient Roman world, patrons would financially support clients as a means to gain political and social status. While this was critical during the republic, under the emperors this system shifted so that the Emperor was the ultimate patron, and to express their loyalty, people scrambled to become his clients which was a means to secure political appointments both in Rome and in the provinces governed by Rome. During the Roman Empire, provinces were served by client states under the Empire. However, the patronage system still was a primary way for wealthy citizens to maintain dominance over others. Clients would look to their patron for political, economic, and legal protection. By refusing financial resources, Paul was freed from this system. He was not a client to any human patron but saw himself as a client only of God.
However, Paul had no problem in receiving offerings to alleviate the plight of the poor, which he saw as a moral and spiritual act of worship to God, and evidence of the transformation that had happened in the lives of those who had responded to the gospel.
THE SECOND THING THAT WE NEED TO DO IS IN ADDRESSING REBELLIOUS BEHAVIOR IS TO REVEAL OUR HEART OR ATTITUDE
In explaining why he did not act in an expected manner, Paul shares the motivation for doing what he did. He lays out another reason why he did not expect financial support from the Corinthians. It was not because he was not entitled to it, but because he did not want to be a burden to them, and he also wanted to distance himself from the false teachers who were there solely to take advantage of them financially.
- What Paul desires is not their money, but their love for God to increase.
He is concerned about their spiritual or eternal condition. He explains the principle that parents provide for their children, not the other way around, which is the primary reason for him not receiving financial remunerations. “Now I am ready to visit you for the third time, and I will not be a burden to you, because what I want is not your possessions but you. After all, children should not have to save up for their parents, but parents for their children.”[x]
The statement, I will not be a burden means that he will not receive financial resources for himself from them. He is trying to convey to them that he is spiritual father. “So I will very gladly spend for you everything I have and expend myself as well. If I love you more, will you love me less?”[xi] Linda Belleville gives us a sense of the intensity of Paul’s remark about spending himself on their behalf.
The human father stores up for his children. Paul not only does this (spend) but does it to the very limit of his capability (expend). There is a play on words here that is difficult to capture in English. Both verbs are found only here in Paul’s writings. The first verb, dapanaoµ, denotes spending money for or on something. The second verb is a compound of ek + dapanaō and means to “exhaust” or “wear out.” Spend and expend nicely catch the sense, (NIV; compare JB).”3
This is at the heart of true parenting, the expending of our lives for our children, but it is also the heart of genuine ministry.
Paul willingly spent everything for the Corinthians—all his material resources and all his energies. The price he paid was impoverishment, poor health, premature old age, and, as we know, a martyr’s death. It was the logic of this example that led the wealthy, privileged Victorian athlete and scholar C. T. Studd, upon graduation from Cambridge, to spend his life in the Congo with this motto: ‘If Jesus Christ be God, and died for me, then no sacrifice can be too great for me to make for him.’[xii]
In now saying this, Paul asks the question that often occurs when people serve others at their personal expense. Are they being taken advantage of? I think we need to realize the cost of love.
B. Dealing with the false accusation and criticism.
One of the costs of love is to be falsely accused by those we have tried to help and nurture. Linda Belleville explains the false charges by the charlatans who are exploiting the Corinthians and leading them to embrace their lies.
So what was standing in the way of a fair exchange between the Corinthians and Paul? From verses 16–17 it would appear that the rumor mill is to blame. Gossip is classified as one of the detestable sins in the Old Testament (Prov 6:19)—and rightfully so. It is like a weed that, once it takes root, is almost impossible to eradicate and if left untended will take over an entire lawn. The gossip may not even be true. But the mere suspicion of fiscal or moral blame can cause irreparable damage—like mud thrown against a clean wall, it may not stick but it always leaves a mark.[xiii]
[Words] can be either life-giving or destructive. Words can cause a great deal of trouble. ‘The perverse stir up dissension, and gossips separate close friends (Proverbs 16:28). Gossip has the power to break up friendships.’ …Remember that whoever gossips to you will probably gossip about you. Just as receiving stolen goods is as serious a crime in the eyes of the law as theft; so, listening to gossip is as damaging as gossip. How you speak and how you listen will affect the whole atmosphere in your home.[xiv]
Be that as it may, I have not been a burden to you. Yet, crafty fellow that I am, I caught you by trickery! Did I exploit you through any of the men I sent to you? I urged Titus to go to you and I sent our brother with him. Titus did not exploit you, did he? Did we not walk in the same footsteps by the same Spirit? Have you been thinking all along that we have been defending ourselves to you? We have been speaking in the sight of God as those in Christ; and everything we do, dear friends, is for your strengthening.[xv]
Paul was falsely accused by the false teachers of setting up a scam in which he had not taken financial compensation in order to have the Corinthians give a larger offering supposedly to meet famine relief to the believers in Jerusalem. These false intruders to the church were arguing that this was really a façade to ‘line his own pockets.’
Paul explains that just as Titus and the other brother sent by him had not exploited them, they should see his loving intentions toward them. Paul is explaining his motive for why he is challenging them. It is for their betterment or as he expresses it, “We have been speaking in the sight of God as those in Christ; and everything we do, dear friends, is for your strengthening (v. 19).”
We need to realize that discipline is critical for the development of those we are nurturing. To remain silent when someone is moving toward self-destruction is not love, it is neglect or worse, indifference, which is the very opposite of love. We see from our text that Paul was engaged in their lives, seeking their wellbeing.
Linda Belleville shares this challenge that both parents, pastors, and other mentors have in dealing with people who are straying.
The authority Paul received as Christ’s representative was intended for constructive, not destructive purposes—although not everyone always saw it that way, especially where discipline was involved. Growth toward spiritual maturity is not always an easy process for the church. Just as correction is necessary, if a somewhat painful part of growing up for children, so also it serves as a needful part of the maturing process for the church. Yet the church rarely looks on correction in this way. Too often we gravitate toward the pastor or teacher who flatters us and not the one who corrects us. This is why Paul goes on to say that everything he does is for the church’s strengthening.[xvi]
THE FINAL THING THAT WE NEED TO DO IN ADDRESSING REBELLIOUS BEHAVIOR IS TO PROVIDE GUIDANCE IN THEIR LIVES
People need to be shown the way to live, by our words and example. Paul had laid down both an example and a principle to live by. He challenged them to imitate his lifestyle, as he followed Christ in his first letter.
So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God—even as I try to please everyone in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved. Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.[xvii]
Paul is concluding his remarks regarding his return to Corinth for the third time and is deeply concerned about what he will find.
For I am afraid that when I come I may not find you as I want you to be, and you may not find me as you want me to be. I fear that there may be discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, slander, gossip, arrogance and disorder.
I am afraid that when I come again my God will humble me before you, and I will be grieved over many who have sinned earlier and have not repented of the impurity, sexual sin and debauchery in which they have indulged.[xviii]
We need to remember all that Paul wrote in both letters to the Corinthians. It was a church deeply divided into factions with discord, jealousy, fits of anger and selfish ambition. All of these things that are listed here by Paul are expressions of pride and arrogance that lead to disorder and confusion in the church. Living in sex-filled Corinth, many of these believers came from those kinds of lifestyles. Paul had deep concerns about their stability and growth in their faith. The heart of a true shepherd of souls is expressed through Paul’s expression of concern.
Because Paul fathered the Corinthian church, because he had been the presiding physician at the rebirth of souls, because he had worked night and day for them through multiple discomforts and dangers, because of his sacrifice and because of his desperately passionate love for them, he was a happy man. But his gladness was never immune to the fear that someone might fall to sin or unbelief. Paul had hitched his very life to the Corinthians, and he could not help riding with them through the highs and the lows.
It is the same today. Love the church, serve her, spend and be spent, seek souls, and your heart will know an index of fears unknown to the uncommitted heart. But you will also know joys that are unknown to the self-serving.[xix]
This can be the plight of godly parents who desire the best for their children, but they are in a state of rebellion filled with arrogance (an unteachable spirit), anger, and are morally compromised. Not only is the parent humiliated by their behavior, but their soul is crushed; not because of what people will think of them, but for the eternal welfare of their child or children. The same is true for a loving pastor. The desire is to see God’s people happy, flourishing, and growing in their faith, but aware that if God’s people persist in a state of sin and rebellion it will ultimately lead to eternal damnation.
Why would Paul be humiliated? Paul, the apostle to the Gentiles, had been challenged and criticized by many Jewish believers who struggled with Gentiles coming to faith apart from embracing Judaism first. Is it possible for Gentiles to be saved from not only the penalty of sin, but also of sin’s power? To remain in sin is a denial of the gospel’s power. But before we criticize the gospel and its ability to save completely, let us take some measure of responsibility. We are responsible for our actions. Blaming others will not absolve us before God’s throne. If we persist in rebellion we will one day face God’s judgment. C. S. Lewis in writing on the topic of eternal separation from God states some profound thoughts. “In all discussions of hell, we should keep steadily before our eyes the possible damnation, not of our enemies, nor our friends… but of ourselves. (The problem of Pain, 128)
“A man can’t be taken to hell, or sent to hell: you can only get there on your own steam.” (The Dark Tower & Other Stories, 1977, 49) “I willingly believe that the damned are, in one sense, successful rebels to the end; that the doors of hell are locked on the inside.” (The Problem of Pain, 127)
What is Lewis telling us? That we actually choose hell when we choose to stay in a state of rebellion against God and His moral laws. The only avenue out is through a response to God’s love in repentance which leads to a change of behavior. We may experience emotion as we repent, but we may not. Repentance is a change of mind leading to a changed life.
So, knowing the severity of disobedience, parents, pastors, and mentors in love must speak up, risk being misunderstood, and give guidance toward a new path in life.
https://pixabay.com/photos/father-daughter-piggyback-child-3871837
[i] Kent Hughes, 2 Corinthians: Power in Weakness, (Crossway Books, 2006), 218.
[ii] 2 Corinthians 12:11, The New International Version of the Bible, Zondervan, 2011.
[iii] 2 Timothy 3:1-5.
[iv] 2 Corinthians 11:4-6.
[v] 2 Corinthians 12:12.
[vi] 1 Corinthians 2:3-5.
[vii] Craig Keener, 1 & 2 Corinthians, The New Cambridge Bible Commentary, (Cambridge University Press, 2005), 242.
[viii] Deuteronomy 5:16.
[ix] 2 Corinthians 12:13.
[x] 2 Corinthians 12:14.
[xi] 2 Corinthians 12:15.
[xii] Kent Hughes, 2 Corinthians: Power in Weakness, 220.
[xiii] Linda Belleville, 2 Corinthians, 2 Corinthians 12:11-18.
[xiv] Nicky Gumbel, You Version, Classic Version, 2026, July 11:26
[xv] 2 Corinthians 12:16-19.
[xvi] Linda Belleville, 2 Corinthians, 2 Corinthians 12:19-13:4.
[xvii] 1 Corinthians 10:31-11:1.
[xviii] 2 Corinthians 12:20-21.
[xix] Kent Hughes, 2 Corinthians: Power in Weakness, 222.
